I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
