Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
