You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
