Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Randomize
