you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
