The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize