I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
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Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
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I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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