I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I don't deserve a penis
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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