You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
