I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
