dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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