i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
