And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
