Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
