Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
