I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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