How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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