we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My bed smells like the plague
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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