Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
