Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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