when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
