Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
