I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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