you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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