cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize