She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
