she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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