I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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