and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
