I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
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He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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