yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
