one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Are my feet made of real feet?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
How external is "for external use only"?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
