The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's shark week go big or go home
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
