fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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