he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
