these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
