I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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