Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
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Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
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You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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