My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
