Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
