she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
