I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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