apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
