Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
