so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
A bitchslap is in order.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
