I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
