trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
