Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
