i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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