I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize