And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
