haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
