dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
