Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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