Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
this is an emotional support booty call
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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