We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
