Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
