From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
