hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
