You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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