Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
