well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
