One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
