just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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