My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
