You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
