If that was your dad, he is hot
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
