I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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