Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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